TTC...

TTC - Trying to conceive. It seems like such a cute phrase, when you start but after ten months of waiting, ten months of checking personal discharge, ten months of making sure that you have sex during the 'right' three days. After ten months, the words don't seem cute, but just a way to mock those who can't seem to conceive.

We've reached ten months of trying to conceive. I don't know if this is a milestone to be celebrated or feared. I spent the last two years trying to avoid getting pregnant - fearing the late arrival of Aunt Flo. And now my heart soars if I'm even seconds late only to have all hope squashed when she rears her ugly head.

Why is this whole process so hard. It seems like an easy process. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. They fall in love, get married and dream of starting a family. AND that's when it gets interesting. No one tells you that getting pregnant is difficult. Human beings are actually a very inefficient species when it comes to reproduction. We only have two-to-three days when you can actually get pregnant. TWO or THREE days. In every health class from 5th grade on, teachers put the fear of G-d in to their students that the first time they have sex they will get married. WRONG. It doesn't take just once.

This whole process is hard and frustrating. I'm trying to enjoy the 'trying' part of TTC, but it isn't easy some days. Some days I want to curl into a ball and cry. Some days I want to feel sorry for myself. Some day I hope I have a baby... maybe... someday...